TREE TRIMMING

By: Ray Hansen

Last year about this time, I was trimming branches from the backyard trees to let more sunlight in. The spruces especially, block the light very effectively. Anyway, I was about ten feet up a ladder, and sawing through a thick, heavy poplar branch that extended out about twenty-five feet from the trunk. It was as high as I could reach over my head, but on the other side of the tree. Suddenly, it snapped off and the far end hit the ground which made it recoil back toward me like a huge, blunt-tipped spear. I could see disaster unfolding - almost as if in slow motion - and I said: "oh @#^^*$$!*, this is going to hurt!"

Well... the sawed end of the branch slammed into my chest like a World War Two soldier ramming a bayonet into the enemy. It flipped me off the ladder with the force of a pellet leaving a slingshot. Kate says I fell straight down, and slammed into the ground on my back. To me, it seemed more like one of the high dives you see in the Olympics, where the athlete does some spirals, maybe a complete rotation or two, then finishes with perhaps a jack-knife maneuver before touching down gracefully. Of course, they have the advantage of landing in water. I, on the other hand, crashed into hard, rocky ground filled with spear-like branches I had previously cut.

The duration of the fall is also in dispute. Kate says it happened in a flash, but of course, her perspective is that of a somewhat alarmed observer. To me - actually experiencing the event - it was more like a sky-dive. The fall seemed long enough for me to review several possible gymnastic moves while in the actual free-fall, before finally deciding that a simple back-slam would end the experience. To me, a side-line observer would have seen something like an acrobatic bi-winged aircraft doing loops and tailspins, before finally heading straight toward the ground. You hold your breath, knowing (and hoping) they will pull out at the last second. My case though, resulted in an uncontrolled flight path to earth, culminating in a full crash.

I lay on the ground slightly dazed, and thoroughly rattled, but intact. After checking my own limbs and finding no breaks or dislocations, I had Kate help me up. I wobbled into the house for a very welcome break, and was out there sawing limbs again after a half-hour rest. You know the old saw: “when a horse throws you, get right back on and ride”.

Copyright Ray Hansen, 2008